


Christophe!!! no Soma

by izzsa



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime), 食戟のソーマ | Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma
Genre: AU, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, dedicated to kailey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 05:45:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8737114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/izzsa/pseuds/izzsa
Summary: Christophe Giacometti goes on a quest to become The Sexiest. He believes the way to do this is becoming a professional chef.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this nonsense is the result of me and kailey discussing christophe and his...ways. expect a lot of the word "sexy" and a lot of ellipses, and don't expect anything good

All his life, Christophe had known...he had to be The Sexiest. And that was why, as he fondled his own ass for the eighteenth time during his routine, he knew he would make his way to the Grand Prix Final. Yuuri - he SCOFFED at the thought - couldn't compare. He may have had raw sexiness, but Christophe's sex appeal was tailored, filed, sanded down, the edges rounded, primed and preened, trimmed, polished, brushed, seasoned, dry-rubbed, baked at 350 for 45 minutes and let set for 15. He was flawless. And now that Victor had run away from skating, thrown away his gift to focus on some washed-up boy, there was no one to rival him. With Victor out of the competition, there was no competition at all. Christophe tweaked his left nipple, shuddered. The crowd cheered, some gasped. One woman may have fainted. It was almost too easy. Christophe's mustached lips curled into a sexy smirk, and when he spun, he looked for Victor, just so he could see for himself what he was doing to him. To see the regret on his poor face. However, when he turned, sweat glistening off his cheek like diamonds, Victor seemed...unfazed. The silver-haired man leaned on his elbow at the edge of the rink with his hand pressed to his cheek, observing but not reacting. Christophe pouted his plump lips that tasted like his bubblegum flavored chapstick as he launched into a triple flip. He landed with a flourish, and looked over again. Nothing from Victor. Christophe's perfectly waxed eyebrows furrowed. Was Victor doing this on purpose, he wondered? Trying not to weep openly over his lost opportunity to compete against a sexual powerhouse such as Christophe, and instead relying on some boy wearing one of Victor's old outfits that barely fit? That was certainly it. There wasn't a person in the room who could resist Christophe's appeal.

Except...Yuuri now appeared by Victor's side, holding a waterbottle and looking decidedly plain. He put a hand on Victor's shoulder which got his coach's attention and...Victor's expression changed. It changed to that wide-eyed admiration that had colored Christophe's face when he'd first seen Victor skate. Victor's eyes glistened like the ice that was coated in Christophe's sweat, and he smiled as he said something to Yuuri Christophe couldn't hear. Christophe's sexy routine carried on, and he dragged his hands up his thighs, fingers briefly hooking on the mesh material, but inside he was in turmoil. So what if Yuuri was cute? Christophe could admit that much, but that shouldn't have been enough to pull his rival's attention away from Christophe's erotic skating.

Distraught and confused, Christophe finished his routine with a final glorious spin, breathing hard, and he took in the sound of the crowd's thunderous applause. He glanced over to Victor again and saw that the man was clapping too, but only passively. His eyes were still on Yuuri who was actually looking at Christophe and clapping enthusiastically. Christophe sent a wink his way, and came down from his final pose to clear off the ice for the Japanese skater. Just as he stepped off the ice and Yuuri stepped on, Christophe noticed Victor lean in close to Yuuri, and this time he could hear what he said.

"Go show me a delicious pork cutlet bowl."

Christophe didn't know what this meant. Had he misheard? Was Victor asking Yuuri to make him dinner once he finished his routine? Christophe looked at Yuuri's reaction for some sort of clue and...something about the younger man had suddenly changed. Indeed, there was something glimmering in his eyes that was reminiscent of the night of the banquet last year when Yuuri had challenged everyone to a dance-off.

Christophe's eyes widened as it finally seemed to click in his mind. Was this...some kind of... _fetish?_ Everything Christophe had known or assumed about Victor seemed to fall apart. All this time...this was what Victor was into? That was his secret? At this time, Yuuri glided to the center of the rink to perform  _On Love: Eros_ , and his stance was now very appealing compared to how he'd looked just moments ago. With his arms hung at his side, and his hip cocked, he looked...dare he say it...good enough to eat. Was this the power of the pork cutlet bowl? Christophe looked over at Victor whose gaze was solidly fixed on Yuuri, looking like he might devour him. Looking around, Christophe realized that all eyes were on Yuuri Katsuki, fascinated in a way Christophe couldn't comprehend.

A single tear fell from Christophe's eye, and he ran away. He had to find a way to harness the same power as Yuuri. The power of the pork cutlet bowl.


End file.
